He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
