My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize