I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
