I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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