so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
