So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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