Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
