mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
my god I love twenty year old dicks
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
