i jhust puked up my retainher.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
