I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.