Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."

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(906): View more from Michigan

i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.

(989): View more from Michigan

you're going for the gold here.

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(360): View more from Washington

She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.

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(330): View more from Ohio

Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.

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17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
Read it at the TFLN blog
(620): View more from Kansas

And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I want to take my head off and cuddle with it

(832): View more from Houston, Texas

Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole

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(970): View more from Colorado

Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.

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(618): View more from Illinois

We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.

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(404): View more from Georgia

You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.

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