My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
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the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
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I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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