And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
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And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
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I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Who died my cat blue again?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.