Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.