I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
