My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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