I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
