Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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