so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
