I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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