I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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