Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
