well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
