So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
