Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
