alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
