you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
