Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
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