Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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