I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
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