i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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