I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
