Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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