I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
