I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
