Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
