this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
