Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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