using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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