she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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