that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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