Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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