you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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