fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
