I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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