just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
And then he peed in my hair
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