I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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