people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
