K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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