Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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