If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
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I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
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We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
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