Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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