i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
