Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
