Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Barsexuality is the new black.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
