my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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