My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
