So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
