You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
