Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
