twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
