Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
