just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
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Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
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Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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