i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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