you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
