My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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