I just made out with a guy for $7.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
